A young skinny white gay boy
by Matt Comer, November 10, 2006, 4:28 pm
Davenport: Matt Hill Comer “delights in ‘challenging the norm.’”
Oh… I’m helping to destroy society, too. I didn’t think so.
Reverend Joel Gillespie responds.
The Hogg: “I just love this town.”
Skinny, though?
My little flabby belly begs to differ.
By the way: That photo is DEFINITELY NOT me. And he’s definitely not gay (although it definitely wouldn’t be a bad thing and I definitely wouldn’t be sad if he were lol). He fits the white and skinny and young part though. It’s Adam Brody (a.k.a. Seth Cohen)… My Perfect Man.
About the Author: Matt Comer
Matt Comer, 24, is an LGBT journalist, blogger and activist currently living and working in Charlotte, N.C., where he serves as editor of QNotes, the LGBT news, arts and entertainment publication of the Carolinas. A native of Winston-Salem, N.C., Matt attended the University of North Carolina at Greensboro and is still continuing to pursue his bachelors degree. He is the owner & editor of InterstateQ.com and has been active in LGBT advocacy work since the age of 14. Learn more about Matt, read his extended bio and see press clippings at MattComer.net.- View all posts by Matt Comer
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November 10th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Were you always homosexual?
When were you first aware of your sexuality?
Are you bi-sexual or do you know?
Do you believe in God….if so….how do you rationalize the Bible to your preferences?
Do you believe that people are born bi-sexual or with a preference?
I do make one request— please stop referring to those who disagree with your views as the “right” or the “conservatives” Do as you please but I believe you are discriminating and therefore potentially a hypocrite when use these descriptions. (not a big deal….
)
thanks
November 10th, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Jesus Christ, Socrates, every where I go, you’re there playing 20 questions.
November 10th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
To the first four questions: Why is this any of your friggin’ business, most especially the first five questions? It is absolutely none of your business to know exactly when I knew I was gay or if I’m bisexual or if I believe in God. The in-depth information of my personal history or my religion is my business. Unless I choose to make them a part of a public discussion (which I have done before, for specific reasons or when necessary), you have no right to know it.
Obviously you haven’t taken a look around my site either. If you had, you would know I believe in God and you would know I am gay.
To the fifth question: You don’t give me too much of a choice there. Bisexual or preference? I believe sexual orientation is not a choice and that a person is either born with it (genetics) or that it is something shaped while in the womb (i.e. hormones) or that it is environmental or it could be a combination of all three. I’m not a scientist or anthropologist or sociologist. I’m just a gay 20 year old kid, so I wouldn’t be able to give you the best answer in the world. However, I do believe that sexual orientation is un-changeable, despite what people on the right try to tell you (and that is a fact backed up by more valid and truly scientific studies than any ex-gay group could ever even hope to produce through their bogus lies and deceit).
To the last concern: “Right” and “Conservative” are the names that people from those groups have given themselves. The Religious Right and Christian Conservatives are names that those people identify with and are the names they have given themselves. They are also not derogatory terms or slurs. I don’t ask people to stop using non-derogatory terms or non-slurs like “gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender” just because they happen to group people together, but I would ask people to stop using terms like “queer” or “fag” or “faggot” because they are derogatory terms and slurs. Your request is like asking someone to stop using the terms Republican and Democrat just because the lump people together, even though those people have chosen to lump themselves with that term.
November 10th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Matt, you make your sexuality everyone’s business on a daily basis, to the point where it is annoying and just plain weird, so I don’t understand why you get upset with Meblogin’s questions. Further, I thought gays wanted people to be more understanding of them. Perhaps answering those questions might be insightful.
Finally, you said “I would ask people to stop using terms like “queer” or “fag” or “faggot” because they are derogatory terms and slurs. ” Tell that to “Queer Nation”.
November 10th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Note: I edited three of my back-to-back comments (b/c I kept thinking of stuff to say) into one (comments separated by —-).
Sam… I felt as though meblogin’s questions were coming across as very condescending and as though my answers would be used against me.
I have used quite a bit of space on my blog in the past to talk about my objections to the use of the word “queer.” I’m sorry you missed it.
———————-
Oh and another thing… Does the fact that I’m an activist or in the public some how invalidate my right to privacy? You know I’m a gay activist… You know I’m gay. Do you really need or want to know the particulars? Are you that obsessed with what gay people do? If so… go visit a friggin’ gay porn site.
———————-
And another, Sam, ‘cuz I saw your comment at Joel’s blog. LGBT people wouldn’t be making such a big deal about our lives if people wouldn’t use our lives to discriminate against us.
I mean seriously. We are not equal. What are we supposed to do when we try to ask for equality?
Person A: I’m not equal. I want equal rights.
Person B: Why aren’t you equal? What is wrong? What rights do you not have?
Person A: Oh, I can’t tell you that part.
Get real Sam.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
There is a cost to everything a person does, Matt, straight or gay.
Rights based on a person’s actions do not exist in our Constitution.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
“Rights based on a person’s actions do not exist in our Constitution.”
I’m glad you believe that Sam. I guess you’d be in favor of getting rid of marriage provided by the government for ALL people then, since for straight people marriage is also based on actions, just straight actions.
Don’t get me wrong though… Marriage is no where near the only thing that separates what rights gay people have/what gay people can do and what rights straight people have/what straight people can do.
November 10th, 2006 at 10:02 pm
Matt,
I see where you could misunderstand my intent. You take risks all the time. It was not my goal to use your answers against you.
The answers that you provided were interesting. From my reading years ago…there were two camps of thinking…one is that we are born with sexuality defined and the other..everything is learned. I was interested in modern day thinking.
As I said, it is not a big deal the descriptors that you use. I describe myself as a moderate conservative Christian that happens to believe that homosexuals are entitled to many rights. I have no clue what percentage that would describe themselves similarly believe as I do.
Good luck to you and your cause.
November 10th, 2006 at 10:09 pm
In retrospect… Yes, I’ve always been gay. Just like small K, 1st, 2nd grade boys have those stupid little “puppy love” crushes for girls, I had them for boys. I may not have had a word or label for my feelings until later in life, but, yes… I’ve always been gay.
In 1st-2nd grade I knew I was somehow attracted to boys (although it was in no way sexual when I was that young). See above paragraph.
No… I am not bisexual.
Yes, I believe in God. My god is a loving god who accepts all His children. The Bible was written by man, although inspired by God, but because the writing and translation lied in the hands of infallible men, the Bible cannot be infallible. I believe that the “moral lesson” of Sodom and Gomorrah has been twisted, I believe that the words presently translated to homosexual or homosexuality are not good translations of what the original words are. I’m not a Biblical scholar, so you won’t get a good answer about this from, except for the statement that I believe my god is a loving god. If God would send me to hell after spending a lifetime worshiping Him and knowing His Son, then that is definitely not my god. Which god do you worship?
I’m sorry I misunderstood your intent. Maybe so you’ll understand how I misunderstood it, these are the things that kind of stuck out in my mind from your comment:
1) You asked, “When did you know you were homosexual?” Most other people would use my language in approaching me if that is all they wanted to know, i.e. “When did you know you were gay?”
2) You asked if I was bisexual. What? Like everyone knows I’m GAY. I though, “Only person with an agenda would ask if I were bisexual.”
3) Your last concern regarding my use of the words “right” and “conservative” and calling me a hypocrite.
Misunderstanding… misconception… preconceived notions… I apologize.
November 10th, 2006 at 10:14 pm
David,
…just as I see you commenting at most local blogs that I read… I read your blog as well….smile.
As large as the blogging universe is…if 10 to 20 of us quit commenting on the popular local blogs…it would be a very non-commented blogsboro.
Please feel free to drop me an email at my blog with what you would prefer. For sure I am new and learning or maybe you could create a post at your blog that describes your thinking.
November 10th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
Hey meblogin,
I have a few questions for you too, btw. It is only fair:
Were you always heterosexual?
When were you first aware of your sexuality?
Are you bi-sexual or do you know?
Do you believe in God….if so…. What do you think of people using admonitions against homosexuality but at the same time forgetting about all the other admonitions of books like Leviticus?
Do you believe that people are born bi-sexual or with a preference?
November 10th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
I worship the same God as you with very similar beliefs as you. I can not speak to the translations…etc as I am not a scholar in this area. I could not have written what you said any better than you.
There are those that I believe pick and choose what they feel is important in the Bible. I assume that the Bible says that being gay is not as good as being straight. I assume that the bible says that being monogamous is better than being not. My two cents—the church has it’s fair percentage of those that have affairs…and I believe the church looks the other way. I believe the church should look the other way with regard to gays.
I don’t really know your language…sorry. I really had no idea that a gay person prefers one word over another.
If nothing else..thanks for teaching me this point.
My gay friends have not chose to correct me…
I believe that there are many people that are bisexual and choose one or the other. ….again no agenda… my study back in the stoneage had some emphasis on child development. (this was one of the hot topics then…)
At my blog I describe myself as not being positive if I am conservative or liberal, republican or democrat…but don’t trust politicians…though I do trust Sandy Carmany. I try to vote for the cause or candidate and if I don’t know…then I move on without guessing.
I believe that states should permit gay couples the same rights as straight and it makes zero sense to me otherwise. There seems to be all this babble going on about church and state….wonder how many that argue the difference fully support gay couple recognition. If they don’t I would be interested in if their reasons come from religion.
anyway…sorry for the many questions…and am hopeful that mine and your answers further your cause.
November 10th, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Thanks meblogin and again… I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions when you first commented.
Another lesson learned.
November 10th, 2006 at 11:23 pm
Oh… and it isn’t that I prefer one word over the other really. “Gay” just sounds not as well, clinical and that is I think the reason why so many gay people use it. On the other hand, many, many, many anti-LGBT activists refuse to words like “gay” or “lesbian” and ONLY refer to people like me as homosexual, because they believe homosexuality is a clinical, psychological disease or mental disorder.
In the debate over marriage (again… there are other issues, but for the sake of time and space), I seek not to change any one person’s religious beliefs. People have a right to believe what they want. The debate is a civil one, over civil marriage and government benefits. While it is true that I would push my church to grant me a marriage, the debate that would take place within the church is DRASTICALLY different from the one that is taking place at the civil level (or, at least, it is when LGBT activists debate it… most people on the right use religion and God to hold up their side).
November 10th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
I wonder with the “left” taking control of our states if they will be “right” on this issue. My guess is yes is “right” but hope that I am wrong.
When I learned (and I hoped that it has changed) that a gay partner can not visit their mate in intensive care…it simply turned my stomach.
November 11th, 2006 at 3:29 am
Matt: You shouldn’t HAVE a flabby belly at age 20.
November 11th, 2006 at 10:23 am
Well, Joe… what can I say… It is disappearing slowly but surely. I used to be like three-times as big as I am now. Not many people know that. In 8th grade I weighed 240lbs!!! So take my short height at that time and knowing my weight… and you know I was a VERY big boy. I think my pant size was like 40 or 42.
I’ve pretty much dropped every single inch of the size and every single ounce, except for my little belly. I’m like 150 now and my pant size (if I get the right size, that is) is like 30-32. I’m proud of myself, even though I still think I could lose some more weight (or at least the leftover flab, lol).
November 11th, 2006 at 10:40 am
Meblogin, I don’t quite yet know what the Democratic takeover will mean for LGBT people. Of course, we all know that politicians make promises that while they may be doable, are hard to keep in the political climate once they get elected. Some others (A minority, I hope, b/c I’m an optimistic supporter of our government) straight-up lie.
I doubt marriage equality will be something voluntarily entered into by our state or national legislatures. I think that maybe, MAYBE, a couple of local and state legislative bodies might approve civil unions or domestic partnerships, but that is as far as I would take it. On other issues like employment discrimination and housing discrimination, however, we might get somewhere.
You are right, though… Legally, gay couples are not considered “family” and hospitals can use that against gay couples if the hospital has a “family-only” visiting policy for intensive care or emergency room service. People say that it doesn’t happen – my own aunt told me “Why do you have to bring sex into it; just say you are his brother.” – I have to sternly disagree. I’ve heard too many stories and experiences of people who have gone through this; it isn’t fiction or fantasy. Straight couples don’t have to lie. Husbands don’t have to say, “She is my sister.” A husband can walk into the hospital and say, “She is my wife,” and that would be accepted almost always without question or doubt, even if it weren’t true. I have heard stories of gay couples who have power-of-attorney agreements or even legalized domestic partnerships (in areas where they are legal) and the hospital makes them go home to get the paperwork before they are allowed to see each other. Do straight people carry around their marriage licenses? Are they required to show their marriage certificates at the hospital door?
Another major issue is what happens to a person’s life if his or her partner (I hate that word – I’d rather use “spouse” b/c partner just sounds like a police officer’s partner or business partner) passes away. It is even worse if the death is unexpected. What happens if there is no will? Politicians against marriage say “Just get a will.” Sometimes the death is unexpected. What happens if the couple is poor? Poor people can’t often afford lawyers and other legal help to draw up all the necessary papers that would, in theory, provide almost every protection that marriage would. Straight people get these protections automatically and for free (unless there is a marriage license filing fee or something), whereas gay people must spend loads of money on a great amount of legal counsel and paperwork.
I made a post on this very issue just a day or so ago. A young man had to fight IN COURT to keep his partner’s body in the grave they had chosen together before he died. The partner’s family wanted to void the wishes of the surviving partner – something that might not have happened as easily if the couple would have had a legal and civil recognition of their relationship. While the court sided with the surviving partner, it would have been very easy for the court to treat the partner as nothing more than a stranger (and that has happened before, NUMEROUS times in America), because legally and on paper, the partner is a stranger as the law does not include gay couples in the definition of “family.”
November 11th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Matt : Congratulations. I didn’t know how much progress you’d made already. You must feel much much better. Don’t stop!
November 11th, 2006 at 6:15 pm
Matt, what does the “Q” in “Q-Triad Blog” stand for?…Thought so…
You really should make up your mind…
November 11th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
I do not use the word “queer.” If and when it is used it done so sparingly and only because it is an identifier for the population I’m working with, i.e. QCYNT, the Queer College Youth Network of the Triad, which was so named because of the youth identification with the word “queer.” I personally do not use the word “queer.”
The letter Q does not necessarily stand for queer. Many people, including me, have used the letter Q as an catch-all alternative to the LGBT “alphabet soup” because we are not comfortable using the word queer. How ridiculous would it have looked to name it the LGBT-triad Blog? I didn’t think it looked good or sounded good.
I have made up my mind, thank you:
1) ‘Queer’ An interesting read
2) More thoughts on ‘queer’
But even if I am forced into using the word queer or when I feel as though I should use it in order to reach out to groups who do use, it is definitely not in a derogatory way. In my comments to meglobin, I was talking exactly about the derogatory use of words like “queer” and “fag” and “faggot.”
I guess you probably wouldn’t be able to understand the contextual difference between using a word as a derogatory slur and when a word is used by a community in a sense of reclamation (i.e. both the use of “nigga” within some black communities and “queer” within some LGBT communities).
November 11th, 2006 at 7:04 pm
And one more thing… Why would you bring up such a dead issue as that. You brought it up earlier in the post and then moved on and decided to come back to it? What’s wrong Sam? Did you run out of things to attack me with?
November 25th, 2006 at 1:31 am
Greetings. I am new to this cyber age chat. I hope that I am processing this message correctly. I am not out of the closet as they say. To many sterotypes. I ran accross your “what do you call it” an ad or a cyber text position on being gay – - no offense ment, I wish I had your nact of not fearing public opinion. I am glad that you seem to have discovered yourself and did not loose yourself. Anyway, I wish you luck in your endeavors and give those who stand in opposition – - hell.
Live o
November 25th, 2006 at 11:08 am
Thank you Harold for your kind words and comments. I wish you the best!
~Matt
March 11th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
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