In the blogs: Gays and God

Alan Chamber’s blog from today discussing his time on the Mike and Juliet Show caught my eye this morning. I knew the show was coming up thanks to friend, advocate, and ex-gay survivor Peterson Tuscano who also appeared on the show. I was able to track down a video of the show thanks to Ex-Gay Watch and I understand how Alan walked away from the show hurt by Dr. Macari and her emphatic statements about ex-gay programs. I, personally, would much rather have a conversation with Chambers than throw soundbites (however valid they may be) around; but such is the nature of talk show television I guess.

Alan seems very happy with his wife and she with him. That is so great! In today’s society, too many LGBT (or Same-Sex Attracted identified) people never find such joy. I imagine that his joy comes not only from his wife and family but also from God. I’m thankful to hear his faith was not dashed by his orientation.

I know that not everyone is so lucky. I know that by Exodus’ own admission, the percentage of participants who experience change is small and that “change” does not mean “straight” but usually “not in a gay relationship” or “content to be celibate.” And I know that unfortunately too many people walk away from their faith when they never realize the change that they are promised.

In both his blog entry and his television appearance, Mr. Chambers makes reference to his former, empty gay life. Unfortunately, he does little to expound upon that. Stonewall Revisited has an article by Alan Chambers in which he describes a childhood sexual assault and later a sexual relationship with a friend who ultimately betrayed him and accused him. He later goes on to describe a religious revival and commitment to not be gay any longer.

I cannot imagine the trauma sexual abuse would inflict on my psyche, nor what such a deep betrayal would do to my ability to trust. I wonder if what Alan Chambers was turning away from was not so much his homosexuality but his pattern of empty and emotionless sexual encounters and what he turned towards was not heterosexuality (or even ex-gayness) but God.

I find it an interesting coincidence that today I also read Sara Whitman’s post at The Huffington Post. I know there are countless more people out there like her: individuals who lead healthy lives, who have healthy relationships, and who set positive examples. Sexuality can be a broken thing–it seems in Alan’s case it was. But I have known gay and straight people alike with broken lives. In fact, Scripture tells me that we are all broken. And thankfully, we can all be healed.

Healing doesn’t come in the form of a conversion from gay to straight. In the same way that Alan’s relationship with God presumably helped him to deal with the demons of abuse and the thorns of not fitting in with his brothers, my relationship helped me to deal with the burns of homophobia and the difficulty of living in a society that does not fully accept me.

Unlike Alan, I did not seek out repeated random anonymous encounters. My relationships were not like that the one he had with his friend (who would ultimately betray him) which were late-night sexual experimentations. What I look for as a gay person is not sexual gratification, I am more than a sex act. I look for the same thing my father looked for when he found my mother and the same thing my mother looked for when she found my father. I look for a healthy, holistic, Christ-centered relationship. I want to stand with Sara Whitman and be a visible witness; an alternative to the sex-centered, emotionless, godless gay man which Chambers used to be. Today, Alan Chambers is a positive example for what an opposite-sex Christian couple can look like. Thankfully, there are many equally positive examples of same-sex Christian couples! (and one day I hope to be one myself)

I’m happy that Alan Chambers has found not only the Lord, but a helper suitable for him. I hope that he will be equally happy for me.

Posted in Ex-gay, Media, Religion, Sexuality |