A New Year’s Resolution
The New York Times is again reporting that HIV infections are rising among young gay men.
For years he had numbed his pain and fear with drugs, alcohol and anonymous sex. But in a flash of clarity one day, when the crystal meth was wearing off, Javier Arriola dragged himself to a clinic to get an H.I.V. test
The article mixes recent findings with personal narratives to not only report the facts but offer insight into the causes of this deadly upswing. I don’t think it is fair to anyone to underestimate the trauma which spiritual violence, family rejection,
and societal stigmatizing can cause an individual. At the same time, when do we stop excusing people for their devastating decisions and ask them to face the proverbially music?
“They blame you and want nothing to do with you; they put you at the end of the line,” said Kyle, who spoke on the condition that his last name not be used because he said he believed his condition would hurt him professionally. “The older generation sees AIDS as a tragedy, the younger generation sees it as self-destructive behavior.”
I have to admit, I often find myself in the category that sees HIV infection not so much as a tragedy but the result of self-destructive behavior. I’ve failed to think about the many ways infection can happen to the every day person. I know there have been times in my life when I have not made the best decisions, am I proud enough to think that, were I in a certain situation, I could never make the wrong choice? I don’t know, but it strengthens my resolve to make sure I am never put in a position where I might make “the wrong” decision.
It is crucial to create spaces that do not glorify sex and drugs–where gay and bisexual can be authentic, without resigning themselves to often destructive stereotypes. YoungLife exists to show (presumably straight) young people that it is OK to be young and responsible; that you can have fun without getting drunk and having sex. I’m excited by the ever increasing gay and trans voices that echo that sentiment. It is important that individuals with questions about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity have places they can go to safely explore the intersection between community, identity, and even faith. When you feel as if the world has abandoned you, it’s all too easy to abandon yourself.
I’d like to hear the ways in which you, the InterstateQ readers, are creating safe-spaces for young gay and trans individuals? How can we reach to make sure that no individual–even if they do not see themselves as part of the “LGBT Community”–feels despair? If we’re not involved, how can we get involved? What programs do you know–organized through an LGBT Center, a Queer Youth Group, an inclusive church? What are steps we can take in our own lives and in the lives of our community to stem this epidemic?
“A lot of guys say, ‘I’m going to get it anyway,’”
How can we change that tune?
About the Author: Brian
4 Responses to “A New Year’s Resolution”
“At the same time, when do we stop excusing people for their devastating decisions and ask them to face the proverbially music?”
Around the same time that we finally decide that there is no such thing as a “right to bring a child into the world that you are unequipped emotionally or financially to raise by yourself.”
At least when a gay man contracts HIV, he’s the only victim of his own mind-boggling recklessness.
By KipEsquire on Jan 2, 2008
I suppose, but what if a gay man contracts it from a partner who only informs him of his status afterwards?
Or what about the gay teenager who comes out to his family freshman year of college only to be disowned and then kicked out of church? What if he, like Arriola turns to alcohol and sex to numb the pain only to contract HIV in the process? And then, once he’s gotten it, is faced with a young, gay, party scene that would rather not know his status?
Is there a way that we as out, (relatively) adjusted, confident gay people can create and promote an environment that does not breed alcoholism and promiscuity as a response to the world’s hostility? How can we help queer people love themselves–even if they won’t admit yet that they are queer?
By Brian on Jan 2, 2008
I’m a big believer in the importance of relationships - not romantic, but friendship - as a means of mentoring and socializing newly out folks into, well, good behavior. Those of us who have been out for awhile are magnets for people who are just starting to come out - they look to us for what it means to be gay, we are often the first people they come out to (since it’s obvious we won’t be disgusted or reject them for it) and in theory, we have the answers to the questions they’re asking. So basically, while I don’t put a lot of faith in GLBT centers as being good spaces for the newly out - I know one girl who was questioning her orientation, went to the schools Queer Resource Center, and was so appalled at the sexualized imagery and radicalism everywhere that she ran back to her dorm, convinced that if that was what it meant to be gay, that couldn’t, wouldn’t be her… and I don’t think those spaces will ever moderate enough to really be “safe” for a lot of questioning folks, because the people interested in running them tend to be those who are most invested in the radicalness of gayness. So yes, I think it is up to us as individuals to model a well-adjusted life, faithful to our partners, respectful to ourselves, compassionate to those who need our help - and willing, when somebody comes out to us, to encourage them not to abandon all of the values they’ve grown up with, even if the home that instilled those values has abandoned them. Most of the work of instilling self-respect has been done in people before they come out - the challenge is to help them keep that, or to regain it, stronger, like a healed broken bone is stronger, after it has been lost. That takes patience, and energy - but I really do think that the only way you instill better behavior in the young is the same way humanity has been doing it for generations - by having older folks teach it, often by living it, and then being there to catch the younger folks when they inevitably rebel against it, stumble a bit - and pray that it doesn’t hurt too much when they fall.
Because of the nature of an epidemic, AIDS won’t be eradicated anytime soon - but if we can cut the infection rate, little by little, over time it will fade. Finally, keep working for marriage equality, my friends - when we get that, I suspect that the infection rate will drop considerably. Being recognized as fully human, and having something to aspire to, can work miracles… and a miracle may well be just what it takes to cut those numbers, and save those lives.
By Casey on Jan 2, 2008