It’s only gay if…
by Matt | October 8th, 2008 |
I was reading one of the hundreds of blogs and websites I check out each week and ran across this blog by a gay parent working and living in Chapel Hill, N.C.
Discussing how his high school-aged son told him about a few of his acquaintances attending the NC Pride Parade and Festival in Durham, the son told his father that one of his friends was gay. While the following discussions sounds silly — really, nothing more than high school hilarity — it does kind of bring to the surface some real issues surrounding sexuality and gender, and how straight men identify themselves in the face of their own sexual actions.
The post continues:
This led into a discussion of what it means to be gay or straight in his click of friends. This is where it gets interesting (both from a parents perspective and, well, down right gay perspective): “It isn’t gay unless your balls touch.”
Dean and I just smiled at this definition of “being gay.” It is unlike anything I’ve heard of before. We simply smiled. Of course, it is all open to interpretation.
Of course, I’m smiling too. Do you have any idea what kind of wrench that throws into the already abstract notions of sexual orientation, gender and identity?
I Googled what the high school-aged boy said. It seems plenty of other people believe the same thing. The statement was used in situations ranging from such innocent topics like a man kissing his best friend (who also happens to be male) and silly, semi-innocent, semi-sexual “joking around” among guys; to such sexually explicit topics (that I won’t link to) like pleasing oneself, a straight couple engaging in activities with another man and mutual masturbation among male friends.
It didn’t quite surprise me that the term “No Homo” showed up right alongside the phrase in question.
Am I missing something? Did this come from some weird comedy film, or do people really believe this? Is this a real line “straight” men use to tell themselves they can have fun with guys without being labeled with what they think is the ever-dreadful “gay” word? Or, did it really start, however misguided, as an innocent line male best friends used to defend their close friendships against people who called them gay?
I’m confused. But the topic is interesting. If only I were a Gender and Sexuality Studies professor. 
4 Responses to “It’s only gay if…”
I find the comment too weird. “Two-balls touching?” Too many of my straight finds are challenged in trying to define what gay really is, or means. Or, for that matter, straight!
By juanito on Oct 9, 2008
That’s a new one to me. I had always heard that it was okay unless the men crossed swords. I guess this new definition allows for a lot more leeway on what they can engage in.
By Michael on Oct 9, 2008
Well, I did happen to find out the answer to my question. Where did this weird definition of “gay” come from? Suffice it to say (I’m definitely not going into details), the definition sprang from activities involving a man, a woman and a man. I’ll leave it up to your imagination (or experience, whew) for you to figure it out.
However, this doesn’t explain how today’s high schoolers (at least one and his friends) think this is a real definition for what makes a man gay.
By Matt on Oct 14, 2008
that is so crazy lol being gay dosen’t mean that all to me. Being gay is more of a lifestyle really when you think about it come on two balls touch then its gay? what is this world comign too.
By Robert on Oct 19, 2008